How Does Dating/Marriage and Our Faith Connect?
John 3:3
“I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”
Yesterday was amazing. Easter is always a high for me – but yesterday was something special – better than the normal Easter – whatever that measures to be. I hope you felt that way too.
We mentioned that Easter is different if you walk to the cross first – if you take a deep look at the Cross of Calvary and the love of Christ in sacrificing His life for us. I hope you were able to do that this year – and if you did – maybe that is why Easter was special this year. A member of our congregation mentioned that Easter will never be the same for them – because they attended our Good Friday service and experienced the cross.
Today I wanted to add to that – that unless we are born again – a follower of Christ – a Christian – Easter is merely a nice holiday with bunnies – eggs – spiral ham – maybe attendance in church and possibly some family gatherings. Jesus makes it very clear – in several places in the Bible – that being His follower is required for eternity in heaven – eternity in His presence.
With that as the backdrop – I want to talk about the family – and specifically – today – couples. Yesterday in the message we mentioned that hurting people hurt because of their choices – the choices of others – and Satan’s attacks. I want to talk about a very important choice we might all face or have faced – that of choosing a life partner. With our daughter’s wedding coming soon – this is on my heart.
Some people have litmus tests for whom they will date/marry. Have you ever developed one yourself? Here are some examples: tall – dark and handsome. Good job – funny – good personality – intelligent – good conversationalist. Looks – looks – looks! Athletic – fun to be with – a good family man/woman. The lists could continue. Do you have a list? Did you have a list? What would be on your list?
When our daughters were growing up – we prayed for three things for their future partners in life. In reverse order they were: 3) that they would work hard together to provide for themselves (good work ethic), 2) that this person would love my daughter almost as much as we do, (love them) and 1) that this person loved Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior (a Christian – not just a church attendee).
The Bible talks about being unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Jesus says; “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6
My mother use to say to me don’t date anyone you wouldn’t marry – which means – don’t date anyone with character traits or other issues that you couldn’t accept in marriage. If he smokes – and you can’t accept that – don’t even date unless he proves he has stopped. If she gossips – and you can’t stand that – don’t even date until she proves she has stopped. Thinking you will change her/him after you start dating or are married is a failed philosophy way too often. Too many times people go into relationships with the thought that they will change their partner – and more often than not – that fails!
So if you wouldn’t want to marry a non-Christian – don’t date one. If you believe that the only way into the eternal presence of God is through Jesus Christ – don’t date someone who doesn’t believe the same way. It is too essential for you and for your future family. It is too hard to raise children alone – either physically or in the faith. I have seen way too many couples who were unequally yoked and the harm it causes – temporally and I imagine – eternally – is beyond measure at times.
We have choices in life – and at times our choices cause us pain. Here is one choice you can make that has a better chance of being a good one if you seek to partner with someone who has a deep love for Jesus Christ (not just a church attendee).
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
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Finding Someone to Connect with for Life!
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Do you feel like you are standing alone at times? Are you searching for someone to share the journey of life? Searching for some good friends – maybe even a partner – a spouse – to share life? Someone to connect with for life? Join the club – many are doing the same. Finding a friend or a partner for life is not easy.
Be careful not to unite with someone simply so you won’t be alone – friendship wise or in marriage. I know folks who have been burned by so called friendships that went south when times got tough. I know folks that are or were married – yet they still feel/felt like they are/were standing alone. No help from their spouse in raising the children. No help in walking the journey of faith. No help in the struggles of life. Married – but no partnership!
Finding a true friend – or a partner for life – that will stand with you through thick and thin – is special. Being able to say it is you and me against the world is more than a movie moment. When you connect with someone such that you have each other’s backs – it is a moment to not take lightly. One or two persons you can bind with to face the world – is amazing! I wish it for all of our readers today.
Unfortunately – we may or may not find someone to connect with us like this – at least not in human form – but we have One who will stand with us through all eternity – in Christ our Lord. Paul says it this way:
Romans 8:31 – If God is for us, who can be against us?
Bind your life with God and know that you will never be alone – He will never leave you nor forsake you!
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
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Families Are Under Attack
The problem as we see it is that the family is under attack. Recently in The Capital Newspaper an article was written (11/18/10) titled; Is Marriage Becoming Obsolete? I will use this article today as we examine marriage in our current culture.
I shared the following statistic from that article Sunday. Nearly one in three American children is living with a parent who is divorced, separated or never-married. The article suggests that more people are starting to accept that marriage is not needed to have a family.
I spoke with a school teacher after worship this morning. I was told that in their class they asked how many students had experienced divorce between their parents. The teacher was taken aback by the large number of students who raised their hands.
To quote the article – A study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine, highlights rabidly changing notions of the American family. It tells us that the Census tells a tale as well – that our culture’s definition of family is changing. It reveals that an increasing number of people are creating families without being married.
About 29 percent of children under 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960, according to the Pew report, release this week. If these statistics are broken down further we would find that 15% are living with parents who are divorced or separated while 14% are living with a parent or parents that were never married.
Even the definition of marriage has changed in our culture. Looking up marriage online at the Merriam-Webster site I found this definition. (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2): the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage . Instead of turning to God for a definition of marriage – our culture turns to their evil desires.
The family is under attack because our society doesn’t understand God’s will for marriage and thus the family. If there is not a firm understanding of marriage – how can we expect that our families will be sound?
Here are just a few passages of Scripture concerning marriage. First we see God in creation designing marriage – one man and one woman – by the way!
Genesis 2:24 – For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
In case you were thinking that was Old Testament and would be changed somehow in the New Testament – Jesus Himself referred to the above passage in talking about God’s intent for marriage – and He should know – right?
Matthew 19:4-5 – 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
Throughout the New Testament marriage is used to symbolize our relationship with Christ. We are the bride and He is the Bridegroom. We are to be faithful to our Lord. We are to love our spouse as Christ loves the church. We are to keep the wedding bed undefiled. Sexual relations outside of marriage – according to the Bible – are called adultery or fornication – yet society calls them alternative lifestyles and changes the definition of marriage.
Is it any wonder that the family is under attack today – when our culture follows their evil desires rather than the sound teaching of God found in the Bible?
One of the reasons we hold groups/classes on Marriage Enrichment and Financial Peace University for example – is because the family is under attack and we are trying to teach sound doctrine according to God’s plan. We believe that if we follow God’s teaching on subjects of life – we will have a better chance of having a sound marriage and family. It would sure beat what society offers!
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
New Marriage Enrichment Group Starting
Hey Church and Community – on October 13th – Mt. Oak will offer a 10 week Marriage Enrichment Group – 7-8:30 pm each Wednesday evening (last night is December 15th). My wife – Carolyn – and I will be leading this group and we look forward to joining with you to make our marriage better!
This is an awesome new study called Marriage 101 – back to the basics. The study is produced by Greg Vaughn for Grace Products. The following is a short description from the program’s information.
The #1 producer of premarital counseling resources brings you the most cutting edge series they have ever released. Marriage 101: Back to the Basics goes straight to the heart of the crucial issues that face marriages today. Dr. Gary & Barb Rosberg, Dave Ramsey, and Dr. H. Norman Wright address Conflict Resolution, Money, Sexual Intimacy and much more. These respected Christian counselors combine to make Marriage 101 the best in premarital and marital counseling.
This is a good study for all couples thinking about marriage and also those in marriage – for any length of time. It will help any couple as we address joys and concerns in our marriages.
Topics include:
- Marital Expectations
- Communication – Do you hear me?
- Personalities – Yes, we are different!
- Resolving Conflicts
- Spiritual Unity – 1 +1 = One
- Money – Nerds vs. Free Spirits
- Money – To budget or not to budget?
- Sexual Intimacy
In 2011 we will offer two additional groups – one on Getting Married Again and one on Cohabitation (straight talk on the biblical view of living together? before marriage).
Some of the material will be online and some will be available in book form. There is a small fee for the material but don’t let that stop you – we will find funds for anyone who wishes to better their marriage but can’t afford the material.
Make this a night out for you and your spouse and if you have children at home – bring them as well. We offer AWANA – a children’s study program for children 3 years of age through 6th grade. We also offer youth small groups for 6th through 12th grade. If the need presents itself – we will try to find help for childcare under 3 years of age.
Our hope is that we will fill the Sanctuary up with couples who want a better marriage. Go to http://www.marriage101online.com/ for a short video about the study. Sign up through the office (301) 249-2230 or through e-mail with Rev. Ray ray@mtoak.org.
Gay Marriage – Should the Christian Church Take a Stand – On Either Side?
Recently I mentioned in a sermon that marriage was under attack. The very definition of marriage is under public and church world scrutiny. Is marriage to be defined as as the union of one man and one woman as the United Methodist Church defines it? Or is our society and the church willing to define it in some other way? Or will the church and society differ in their definitions?
The issue of gay marriage or same-sex marriage is one that captures the hearts and minds of many these days – both those who are for it and those who are against it. Today I ask – Should the Christian Church Take a Stand – On Either Side of this issue?
A recent news report shares that Proposition 8 – which legally defined marriage as between one man and one woman – voted on by California voters in November 2008 (it passed with a 52 percent vote) – has been overturned by a Federal Judge. An article on this can be found here. This decision will be appealed. The debate rages on.
The denomination I attend says the following about marriage. We affirm the sanctity of the marriage covenant that is expressed in love, mutual support, personal commitment, and shared fidelity between a man and a woman. We believe that God’s blessing rests upon such marriage, whether or not there are children of the union. We reject social norms that assume different standards for women than for men in marriage. We support laws in civil society that define marriage as the union of one man and one woman. The Book of Discipline 2008 – page 102 – paragraph 161.b
Not every United Methodist Church or church member agrees with church law on this subject. There are churches like Foundry UMC in Washington DC – a jurisdiction that allows Gay Marriage – that are wrestling with what they believe about marriage in light of church law and civil law. They are among a group of churches and members who are working to change the denomination’s stand on marriage. On their website I found this statement. Foundry’s congregation and its leadership are in a discernment process to determine our pastoral response to the legalization of same gender marriages within the District of Columbia. We are conscious of positions that The United Methodist Church has taken that are opposed to same-gender marriage, but those aspects of church discipline are in conflict with the deeper emphasis of the church’s Book of Discipline upon the gospel of grace and pastoral care for all of God’s children. While we are in this process of discernment, Foundry will continue its policy of providing services that will honor the committed relationships of our gay and lesbian members, constituents and friends. At these services, the vows and / or other statement of commitment previously made by the couple will be shared with and reported to the gathered congregation.
So a denomination of people – by a majority of their leadership – votes to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman. Within that same denomination a church (not the only one by the way) – and presumably by a majority of its members or leadership – decides to actively work in the opposite direction on the issue of defining marriage. This dichotomy exists in other denominations as well.
So I ask – should the Christian Church take a stand – on either side of this issue? Or is it a secular issue best left up to the courts and voters? Or is it a place where the church should be heard?
Readers – what are your thoughts?
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
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Ministering to the Hurting
Ministering to the Hurting
Our vision is to reach the whole family with Christ. As we strive to carry out this vision, we will run into a number of hurting people. Many of the families in and around our church – if not all of them – have hurts that occur from a measure of dysfunction in each family. The church family needs to reach out to each other – when one hurts, we should all hurt, and strive to heal the wounds.
People often come into my office or into my path with hurts. The hurts occur when we do not do family in a healthy manner.
One hurt that is often seen is the hurt that comes from our marriages. The church can reach out and help marriages by providing counsel and guidance before marriage – even starting with the pre-dating age group. The church can also offer support groups and small groups that will help strengthen the marriage bond.
Our desire, as we reach out to the family with Jesus, is to go beyond the surface concerns and help families with their hurts. A goal for us is healthier families.
Where are you hurting and what could your church family do to help you with that hurt? Is your marriage in trouble? We want to help. Are you going through or have gone through a divorce? We want to help. Do you have relationship concerns with your children? We want to help. Are your children out of control? We want to help. Do you feel all alone? We want to help?
Your church wants to reach the whole family with Christ – and in order to do that we will need to minister to the hurt we find in the family.
We have awesome children’s and youth ministries. While reaching the children and youth, we want to also reach their parents. We are targeting Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night as prime times to do ministry to the whole family. One of our goals is to have something for the whole family during these three times of the week. As you plan your weeks – please try to keep these three times open and available to participate and support our ministry to the whole family.
God Made Man and Woman To Be Together
Genesis 2:20b-24
20b But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
A week, plus a few days ago, my youngest daughter was married. At the wedding I was reminded of God’s plan – God’s created order – God’s intent for His creation. It was for one man and one woman to be united for all time. Humanity messed this up in so many ways. Even the people of God messed things up.
Some people – even Biblical characters – had multiple wives – at the same time – NOT God’s plan or intent. Divorce was not God’s plan or intent – God hates divorce – yet we have married unwisely – we have drifted apart – we have had affairs – we have allowed substance abuse and other ills to wreck havoc on our marriages – to the point that we believe divorce is the only answer. Some people have even given up natural desires for the opposite gender and allowed their sin nature to crave within them persons of the same gender.
Romans 1:26-27 – 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
Humanity has so eschewed God’s perfect plan of one man and one woman that even the church of Christ is found debating other expressions of marriage and relationships as if they can somehow be accepted because they are so widely experienced. We are to be reconciled to God’s perfect plan – we are not to bring God’s perfect plan down to human nature.
As I watched my daughter and new son united in marriage, I was reminded once again of God’s perfect plan – and how the church that calls itself after Christ must adhere to that plan – and put aside sinful expressions of sexuality.
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
Divorce Hurts
Malachi 2:16
16 “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel,
I would imagine most of us have heard this portion of Malachi 2:16 before. The prophet says that God hates divorce. And why wouldn’t God hate divorce? Divorce is a very damaging attack upon the family. It breaks the family up and very hard to live through without some lasting damage – both to the couple divorcing and to any children from that marriage.
I’m aware that some of us didn’t take marriage very seriously when we first married. I’m also aware that some persons change over time and some people are very abusive and getting away from that person can actually be better than remaining married. I’m also aware of the damage some couples cause their children by staying together with the type of relationship and example being presented. I’m aware that some persons cannot remain faithful. I’m well aware of the reasons people get divorced.
In most cases – whatever the reason divorce comes into the picture – divorce hurts.
What can the church do to help the family avoid divorce? If we are going to minister to the whole family – we need to be about ministering to our children – youth – young adults – adults and even seniors in the area of marriage. Modeling healthy marriages – teaching and preaching about the Biblical examples of and teachings on marriage – support small groups for people before they marry – as they marry – after they marry – and when troubles arise – are some examples.
A man went to the doctor and lifted his arm over his head and told the doctor “it hurts when I do this”. The doctor in turn told the man “well, then don’t do it”. Divorce hurts – so the church needs to take steps to help people to avoid such hurt.
Some of the young people I talk to say they don’t want a marriage like their parents have – they want more out of marriage than they see at home. How can we help them as they try to improve their chances of avoiding an unhappy or unfulfilled marriage and possibly divorce?
Are any of our readers brave enough to talk about their home life growing up and how divorce hurts? Are any willing to share the pain of their divorce? Is anyone willing to help those who have been through the hurt of divorce – whether as the children or the divorced couple – deal with the hurts and heal from the wounds?
Starting this Wednesday night – at 7 pm – and continuing until the Lord gives us the freedom to move on – our evening worship service will be based on strengthening the family – specifically in the area of divorce. We need healthy couples to attend to help – we need persons who have been through divorce and have healed from the wounds – we need couples that are struggling – we need singles who don’t want to enter a marriage that will end in the pain of divorce – and more. We will use a variety of resources.
Helping our marriages to be healthy and strong will protect our children and ourselves from the hurt of divorce. God hates divorce. Can we work together to help those who are hurting? How can we help?
Share some thoughts – please!
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
God’s Plan for Marriage
Genesis 2:23-24
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
God has a plan for marriage. This is one of the plans found in the Bible. When God was creating the universe He created man and woman. When the woman (Eve) was created and brought to man (Adam), he exclaimed this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.
One of the things I get from this passage is that a husband should see his wife as part of him – bone of his bone. The wedding vows talk about the two becoming one and that nothing to divide them. Husbands should consider their wives to be part of them – part of their very self.
You know – I was once very fit. I was lean and mean. I could run all day – I could bench press more than I weighed. But part of me – my hunger – and my lack of will power in this area – began to eat away at the shape I had and gave me the shape I have now. It is part of me that created in me something I do not desire. I cannot just get rid of me – I need to work on me to make me better.
When I married my wife – it was by freewill. No one forced me – no one coerced me to get married. She became flesh of my flesh – bone of my bone – part of me. If our relationship is not perfect – or not what it once was – or not what we would like it to be – I cannot jettison part of me – but rather my wife and I must work together to strengthen our marriage. She is part of me – we are part of each other.
If more men had this mindset – there would be less divorce and less marital problems.
I realize that if part of my body had cancer I wouldn’t hesitate to cut it off if by removing it I could save the body – my life. And I realize that some partners change over the years and become a cancer in the body of marriage. But as with my human body – cutting it out or off would be the last resort after trying to defeat the cancer and saving the body part. Too many people see divorce as the only way to fix a broken marriage. If more men and women would understand that when they marry they become one body – they might treat one another differently – and take more care to heal the wounds that attack their marriage.
Just something to think about today as you go on your way.
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